September 30, 2019

MORTGAGE STUFF

Volume 19, Issue 7



C-Loans Client Newsletter

You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we’ll discuss how important cost is in commercial real estate finance during recessions. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a stunning video of a shark on the beach with a human leg in its mouth. 

Joke Du Jour

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I kept pretending to be a Transformer. As she walked away that final time, I shouted, "No, wait! I can change.” 

Girlfriend’s Birthday Joke

My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.  I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

Place Your Loan With C-Loans

Using C-Loans.com you can actually submit your commercial loan to 750 commercial lenders, six lenders at a time.

Our other portal, CommercialMortgage.com (“CMDC”), is a little faster and easier. CMDC also lists over 3,000 commercial real estate lenders, far more than C-Loans; however, CMDC only produces a list of suitable lenders. Then you have to actually contact each one and submit your deal. Both C-Loans.com and CMDC are free!

Paris Joke

A boy asks his Dad one day, "Dad, why is my sister called Paris?” His Dad replies, "Because she was conceived in Paris.” The boy says, “Oh, okay. Thanks, Dad.” His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."

Got a Slightly Flawed Commercial Loan? Call Blackburne & Sons

Click HERE to Apply Now!

Blackburne & Sons continues to seek first mortgages between $100,000 to $2 million on standing commercial properties nationwide. We particularly like Gentlemen’s Clubs. One unusual loan product that we offer is our blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. We will also hypothecate notes and buy commercial loans at a discount. We also make non-owner-occupied, business purpose, residential loans in many states. Please be sure to bookmark our commercial mortgage rate sheet right now.

Call or click on your favorite loan representative to email:

(916) 338-3232

Ugly Joke

I asked my Mom if I was ugly.  She said, "I told you not to call me Mom in front of people."

Breakage Joke

Beer Bottle:  If you break me, you get one year of bad luck.

Mirror:  Are you kiddin' me?  If you break me, you get seven years of bad luck.

Condom:  Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing.)

Eyebrows Joke

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.  She seemed surprised.

How C-Loans Actually Works

Think of C-Loans.com as a giant filter. We start with 750 participating commercial lenders. Every time you enter more information into the application - loan amount, property type, loan type, state, credit - dozens of lenders are filtered out. Upon completion, you are left with a list of 20 to 30 perfect lenders. You put a check mark next to six lenders at a time and press submit. Soon you are receiving quotes and offers. No good offers? Come back and submit to six more lenders, then six more, and so on. And C-Loans.com is free!

Tortoises Joke

A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked. "I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whoosh, they were gone!”

Trans Joke

My wife accused me of being a transvestite, so I packed her things and left.

Quickly Find 30 Commercial Lenders For Your Deal

CommercialMortgage.com has thousands and thousands of commercial real estate lenders. Ever wonder where we get them? 

We have a standing trade offer where we will trade a copy of my famous 9-hour video training course, Learn to Broker Commercial Loans ($549), for a list of 20 commercial real estate loan officers working for banks and credit unions. As a result, the list of commercial lenders on CommercialMortgage.com is constantly growing.

If you find a lender who has left the bank, please find out his replacement (we’ll need his address, phone, and email), please write to Tom Blackburne at tommy@blackburne.com, and he’ll send you a choice of TWO of the following: (1) Income Property Underwriting Manual; (2) Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course; (3) Loan Broker Fee Agreement; and (4) Regional copy of The Blackburne List of commercial lenders.

Dubai Joke

Q:  What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

A:  The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.

Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in Most States

Apply Now! Please pay special attention to the following: Unlike other hard money brokers, Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation makes home loans with a 15-year term (30-year amortization), and there is NO prepayment penalty. Our competitors make just three-year or five-year bridge loans. Our loans are clearly better because you may want to hold the property. These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans.

Historically, Blackburne & Sons was mostly a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans. We have already closed loans in the following states, and our attorney can quickly research your state to verify that we can lend there. Unfortunately, in a handful of states, an NMLS license is not enough.

What about YOUR state? If you have a real-life deal, we’ll hire our attorney to quickly research its availability.

The property has to be non-owner occupied, and the purpose of the loan must be for business. Remember, the nice thing about business purpose home loans from Blackburne & Sons is that our loans have a 30-year amortization, a 15-year term, and no prepayment penalty.

Call or click on your favorite loan representative to email:

(916) 338-3232

Bend Joke

A man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND “.  He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

Roulette Joke

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?”  A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know, why don't you play your age?”  He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.  Maybe she won!  He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.  The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.  The man is stunned.  He asks, "What happened?  Is she all right?”  The operator replies, "I don't know.  She put all her money on 36, and when 47 came up, she just fainted!”

Labor Day Joke

Q:  Do you know what Labor Day is?

A:  Mommy's sure do!

Get Both Courses For Just $849

Save $249

Purple Joke

My favorite color is purple.  I like it more than blue and red combined.

How To Generate Commercial Leads Like Turning On a Spigot

I just completed updating in 2019 my popular video course, “How to Market for Commercial Loans.” I have been marketing for commercial loans for almost 40 years. I have wasted well over $175,000 on marketing campaigns that were complete busts. Direct mail. Postcards. Classified ads. Magazine ads. Google ads. Complete busts. Here is what works.

DMV Joke

I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me. I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?” She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before you came here?” I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!”

Have You Been Screwed Out of a Big Loan Fee Yet?

Whenever someone boasts of being a good horseman, I always ask him, “Have you ever been thrown?” The correct answer is, “Many, many times”. There is an old saying, “If you ain’t been thrown, you ain't ridden very much.” The same is unfortunately true of commercial mortgage brokerage. You will screwed out of a loan fee of $10,000 or more at least twice per year for your entire career. Now I am NOT talking about the borrower closing the loan and not paying you. That rarely happens. What these dastardly borrowers do is lie to you or cancel on you. You would be a flipping idiot not to pay a lousy $199 for my ninety-minute video training course, Fee Collection For Commercial Mortgage Brokers. It includes my famous fee agreement. Go ahead and ignore this section. You will cry, I absolutely guarantee you.

Now available online!

Raising the Baby Joke

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby?  Because he's Jewish, and I'm Protestant... and the baby's father is Catholic.

How To Earn Huge Referral Fees

Please click here after viewing the video.

Video - Kinda Gross

Bull Shark with a human leg in its mouth.

Get Four Free Training Courses

Are you desperate to learn commercial real estate finance, but you’re as poor as a church mouse? Get four training courses for free.

Final Funny

An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance. Never really wanted to.” A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old woman's feet. The old woman prospector -- not wanting to get her toe blown off -- started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched As the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule's a$$?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No, Ma'am... but I've always wanted to."

NMLS #167100

CA DRE #1330173

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (916) 338-3232

F: (916) 338-2328

NMLS #103430

CA DRE #829677