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January 3, 2018
MORTGAGE STUFF
Volume 19, Issue 1
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C-Loans Client Newsletter
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we’ll discuss how bankers determine their commercial loan quotes. We have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious video of a guy trying to throw out his Christmas tree. If you do nothing else, guys, you’ve GOT to scroll down to the bottom and watch this funny video.
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Joke Du Jour
Oliver Purblicoff was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Maureen, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly. A few days later, Oliver got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Oliver, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?”
Oliver: "Yes, sir, that's correct.”
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably, I found a golf ball wedged up her butt."
Oliver: "Was it a Titleist 3?”
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Oliver: "That was my mulligan.”
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How C-Loans Actually Works
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Postman Joke
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived.
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Place Your Loan With C-Loans
C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal where you can enter a commercial loan in just four minutes and then submit it to hundreds of different commercial lenders with one click. Please pay particular attention to the word, submit. C-Loans.com is not just a list of lenders. You can actually submit your four-minute application to thirty or forty different lenders, until you find that one bank that is hungry to make a commercial loan right now! And C-Loans.com is free!
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Got a Slightly Flawed Commercial Loan? Call Blackburne & Sons
Blackburne & Sons continues to seek first mortgages between $100,000 to $3.5 million on standing commercial properties nationwide. We have tons of money right now, so we can do some of the larger loans that in the past were too large for us. One unusual loan product that we offer is our blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. We will also hypothecate notes and buy commercial loans at a discount. We also make non-owner-occupied, business purpose, residential loans in many states.
Please be sure to bookmark our commercial mortgage rate sheet right now. To apply for a private money commercial loan from Blackburne & Sons, please find your favorite loan officer below:
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NMLS #389678
CA DRE #01430908
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NMLS #382122
CA DRE #01873244
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NMLS #1535540
CA DRE #02012847
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NMLS #1014118
CA DRE #01919403
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Barber Joke
A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. It blew my mind because I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
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We're Now Making Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in All But Eight States
These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans. For the past 37 years, Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans in California and most other states.
The property has to be non-owner occupied, and the purpose of the loan must be for business. The nice thing about business purpose home loans from Blackburne & Sons is that our loans have a 15-year term and no prepayment penalty.
Got a commercial deal nationwide or a business purpose, non-owner-occupied residential deal in one of the above four states? Please call your loan officer:
Alicia Gandy: (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #389678
To apply to Alicia online, please click here.
George Blackburne, IV: (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #382122
To apply to George online, please click here.
Tom Blackburne: (574) 210-6686 // NMLS #1014118
To apply to Tom online, please click here.
Michael Young : (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #1535540
To apply to Michael online, please click here.
Loans made under the California Finance Lenders Law.
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Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk
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Commercial Mortgage Dot Com is a Free Commercial Lender Search Engine
We own a second commercial mortgage portal, CommercialMortgage.com (“CMDC”). We paid $100,000 just for that wonderful domain name. CMDC contains almost 4,000 commer-cial lenders, in addition to, and different from, the 750 commercial lenders on C-Loans.com. If you can’t find the right lender on C-Loans, be sure to try CommercialMortgage.com.
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Math Joke
If I had 50 cents for every math exam I've failed, I'd have $6.30 now.
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Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance - 9hr Video Training
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The Man Had a Sense of Destiny
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Become a Hard Money Lender
It’s the servicing income, silly! We make more than $85,000 per month, whether we close a loan or so. Just hire a sub-servicing company to service your deals. Four-hour video course, How To Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. Just $549.
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Vegan Joke
There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill, and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell. Do vegans feel the same when they mow the grass?
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Cake Joke
Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited some of her women friends over for the evening. She put out snacks and then came out with a cake that looked like a disaster. She apologized and said she didn't know what happened to the cake because, she explained, "I even used the high altitude directions because I live upstairs.”
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- TODAY'S LESSON -
How Bankers Quote Commercial Loans
After reading this lesson, you will be able to know precisely what banks are quoting for commercial permanent loans without the need to call anyone. A banker is sitting a his desk, and he gets a call for a commercial permanent loan of $1.25 million on a strip center. When it comes time to quote an interest rate, he doesn’t have to look at a rate sheet. Instead, he merely Googles “5-year Treasuries”. Then he adds between 2.75% and 3.5% to today’s value of 5-year Treasuries.
Example: As of January 2, 2018, five-year (constant maturity) Treasuries are 2.51%. Adding 2.75% to 3.50% to five-year Treasuries gives 5.26% to 6.01%.
So who gets 5.26% and who has to be satisfied with 6.01%? It depends on the beauty of the property, its location, the liquidity of the borrower, the quality of tenants, the net worth of the borrower, his income, and his credit. Basically Ginger gets 5.26%, and Mary Ann gets 6.01%.
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Text Joke
8 p.m. I get a text message from my girlfriend, "Me or football?!'
11 p.m. I texted my girlfriend, “You, of course.”
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Have You Been Screwed Out of a Big Loan Fee Yet?
Whenever someone boasts of being a good horseman, I always ask him, “Have you ever been thrown?” The correct answer is, “Many, many times”. There is an old saying, “If you ain’t been thrown, you ain't ridden very much.” The same is unfortunately true of commercial mortgage brokerage. You will screwed out of a loan fee of $10,000 or more at least twice per year for your entire career. Now I am NOT talking about the borrower closing the loan and not paying you. That rarely happens. What these dastardly borrowers do is lie to you or cancel on you. You would be a flipping idiot not to pay a lousy $199 for my ninety-minute video training course, Fee Collection For Commercial Mortgage Brokers. It includes my famous fee agreement. Go ahead and ignore this section. You will cry, I absolutely guarantee you.
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How To Generate Commercial Leads Like Turning On a Spigot
I have been marketing for commercial loans for almost 40 years. I have wasted well over $175,000 on marketing campaigns that were complete busts. Direct mail. Postcards. Classified ads. Magazine ads. Google ads. Complete busts. Here is what works.
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Teddy Bear Joke
What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night? A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep. A horror night is when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
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Final Funny
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Okay, okay, I went to a movie.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!”
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha-ha-ha! Well, he really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”
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NMLS #167100
CA DRE #1330173
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4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101
Sacramento, CA 95841
P: (916) 338-3232
F: (916) 338-2328
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NMLS #103430
CA DRE #829677
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