C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll discuss your personal job security at the bank during the next recession.
And of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots
of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a clever and funny video of a car purchase.
Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com?
Joke Du Jour
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one-way."
My Wife Can Sometimes Be So Endearing
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Salad Joke
Child at dinner table: "Are caterpillars good to eat?" Parent: "No. Why would you ask a question like that?" Child: "Well, there was one in your salad, but it's gone now."
Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?
If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. There are over 3,000 commercial lenders listed on this commercial lender search engine.
When Recessions Hit, Banks Tend To Lay Off Their Commercial Loan Officers
Hey, guys, please don't hate the messenger here. What I am writing is just the cold, hard truth.
During the 37 years since I first founded my commercial mortgage company, I have seen more than 5,000 S&L's, banks, Wall Street subprime commercial lenders (think Lehman Brothers), hard money commercial lenders, and other commercial lenders go bankrupt.
And during recessions, fuhgetaboutit. Even if the bank doesn't fail, commercial loan officers at banks get laid off in droves. It's like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Bang-bang-bang. Your job at the bank may not be as secure as you think.
However, if you close five commercial loans for C-Loans while you're still working at the bank, we will list your brand new, one-man, commercial mortgage brokerage company as if it was a lender on C-Loans. More precisely, we will list you on C-Loans as a Proven Broker - an old pro who has proven himself.
Now the question is: Are you 100% convinced that your bank will keep paying your $100,000 per year salary when your bank has a zero appetite for making new commercial loans?
Moral of the story: Join C-Loans and work hard to close five deals while you are still working for the bank. Today you're in a position to be our friend. During the next recession, C-Loans will be in a position to be your friend.
Diet Joke
Mary and Jill decided to split a can of Diet Pepsi during a break. Mary opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass and half into Jill's glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side. "Only one calorie per can," she read aloud. "Hmm," murmured Jill. "I wonder which glass has the calorie?"
Yeah, I've Often Wondered This Myself
Communion Joke
This young mother tells the story: To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father."
Join C-Loans.com and Close Five More Loans Every Year, Decade After Decade
As a lender on C-Loans.com, you will receive carefully screened commercial loan applications directly to your email box. Each loan will be the right size, the right type (permanent, construction, bridge, etc.), on the right type of property, and in your exact lending area. And there will be a pretty good volume of them.
With one click you will see an Executive Loan Summary, with the debt service coverage ratio and loan-to-cost ratio already completed for you. Many Executive Summaries contain property pictures as well.
If you see a deal that you like, simply pick up the phone and call the borrower or broker directly, with no one else in your way.
Does it work? C-Loans lenders have closed more than 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over one billion dollars. One of our lenders (Trevor Cole Commercial) just closed its 50th loan for C-Loans. Two other have closed 40+ loans for C-Loans.
How much does it cost for your bank to be listed on C-Loans.com? You can pay a monthly fee to be listed on C-Loans.com (see further below), but nobody does that. All 750 of our banks choose to simply bump their normal loan fee up from 1 point to 1.375 points. When the loan closes, we send you an invoice for our software licensing fee. Click here for more details.
Blood Donor Joke
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, but its never his own.
Be Sure to Read the Second Line. Ha-ha!
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
I apologize for the repeated begging, but C-Loans, Inc. is a tiny company - just an attorney dad, a couple of Eagle Scout sons, and nine hard-working co-workers.
We do have a couple of claims to fame. (1) We are just about the oldest surving hard money lender in the country - since 1980; and (2) C-Loans.com has closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans. That's a lot of loans for a company that never got venture capital.
Because we are so small, your commercial loan referral means something to us. It will also greatly help your client because he will be able to search a database of over 3,000 commercial lenders.
Commercial Mortgage Dot Com - an easy domain name to remember. Thank you!
Korea Joke
"In the news yesterday, North Korea suggested that it would like to reunite with South Korea. I think something's up because today South Korea gave North Korea its Netflix password." -- Conan O'Brien
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few more commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.
"George,
if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any
dough?"
Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your low-rate loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers into the store. Ha-ha! If you close a loan, we make nothing.
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.
Banana Bread Joke
The banana loaf that I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered. "That bread smells about done, don't you think, Mom?" he asked. I told him I had set the timer, and it still had five minutes. A little later he repeated his suggestion. "Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it." Always quick to come to my defense, my 13-year-old son said, "Eddie, Mom's been burning that banana bread for 20 years now. I think she knows when to take it out.
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free,
deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right
size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your
favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the
type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings,
industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
Body Joke
The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U.
Is Your Boss Having Trouble With the Idea of a Software Company That Only Gets Paid When Deals Close?
C-Loans, Inc. is a software company. It cost us $2 million and 18 years to develop the software for C-Loans.com. We have all of the required licenses to be a commercial mortgage broker, but we're just not in that business. We license software. Period. We never even speak with these borrowers.
If your bank wants to license our software on a flat fee basis, just it does with their accounting software, their customer relationship manager (CRM) software, and their SBA loan origination software, this option is available.
For
banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per
month. For
banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in
assets, the cost is just $350 per month. For
banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in
assets, the cost is just $500 per month. For
banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per
month. In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
Legos Joke
"A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night." -- Jimmy Fallon
Oh, Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Your Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial real estate loan this week,
it will help him immensely if you would please suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With over 3,000 listed commercial real estate lenders, CommercialMortgage.com is the place to send him. If none of our 3,000+ commercial lenders will finance his deal, then his request simply isn't do-able.
Answering Machine Joke
A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all."
Do We Need a Northern Wall?
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We
once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of
Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - How To Buy a Car
Sweet victory.
Final Funny
A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips.
Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red.
He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!
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