C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about commercial construction loans. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a fascinating video from China.
Joke Du Jour
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"
I Have Traveled Far and Wide
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Big Bucks Joke
Q: What do you get when you cross fifty female pigs and fifty male deer?
A: A hundred sows and bucks.
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Bees Joke
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies!
Commercial Construction Loans
If you were to go on Google and type in "Commercial Construction Loans", you would see that C-Loans.com is listed as either the #1, #2, or #3 organic search result. As a result, we see lots of attractive commercial construction loan requests.
For example, we received a $52 million construction loan request from a developer building a multifamily tower downtown, right on Lake Michigan. He's contributing $5 million in cash to the deal, and the application came with a beautiful architect's rendering. Write to me if you'd like to see this particular loan.
Would your bank like to close a few more commercial construction loans? Then join C-Loans.com!
Bees Joke
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies!
Free Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course
You've got a buddy who works as a commercial loan officer at a neighboring bank, right? We'll trade you the contents of one of his or her business cards for a free commercial mortgage marketing course. We sell this popular course separately on C-Loans.com for $199. Learn how to turn on a flow of SBA and conventional commercial mortgage leads as easily as turning on a spigot.
Important note: This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans as a lender. For more information, please click here.
Dancing With the Stars
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Chicken Joke
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!" The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?" "Two years," says the man. "Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Most banks that join C-Loans take advantage of our free guaranteed success program; but a bank can now join C-Loans, get listed on our Suggested Lender Lists, and receive tons of commercial mortgage loan applications for a small monthly fee:
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Mick Carlson, General Manager, or call him at 574-855-6292.
But, once again, most banks joining C-Loans, take advantage of our free guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points (just 25 bps. on deals over $5MM) if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan origination fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Dish Joke
"The town of Clark, Texas has agreed to change its name to Dish, Texas after the dish network gave all of its residents free dish satellite TV for the next ten years. This is the sort of thing that can backfire on a town - just ask the people of Betamax, Wyoming." -- Jay Leno
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Funny High School Analogies and Metaphors
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
Giving a Husky a Ruff Day. Ba-Da-Boom!
Polite Joke
"A man in Virginia went into a bank. He didn't have a weapon, and he wasn't wearing a mask. He just had a nice note that said, "I really need you to give me some money, please." And they gave it to him. Police call it robbery. He says it wasn't. I'm with the bank robber on this. If it was illegal to politely ask for things you don't deserve, I would not be the host of The Late Late Show." -- James Corden
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Fascinating
Futuristic Chinese bus
Pessimist Joke
A lot of pessimists get that way from financing optimists.
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
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