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C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
Volume 8: Issue 3 | Date: February 24, 2020
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This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks, credit unions, conduits, and hard money lenders. Today we’ll discuss a scenario where several thousand, high-net-worth, U.S. real estate investors succumb to pneumonia, sadly creating some attractive commercial real estate opportunities. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a cute video of the smallest pony you have ever seen.
Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com? Seriously, guys, this searchable portal is free, and it contains thousands of commercial lenders. You really are doing them a favor.
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Joke Du Jour
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???”
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Free Commercial Loan Software
C-Loans has just developed some brand new commercial loan software that is super-easy to use, even for a complete newbie to commercial real estate finance. You just fill in the blanks. You can then take your professional-looking commercial loan package and submit it to any lender in the country. This new commercial loan software is also 100% free.
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911 Joke
Dispatcher: "Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?"
Caller: "I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner."
Dispatcher: "Do you have an address?"
Caller: "No, I have on a blouse and slacks. Why?”
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Free Commercial Loan Leads
C-Loans.com, is our original portal. C-Loans.com has been phenomenally successful, boasting over 1,000 commercial loan closings totaling over $1 billion. We will list banks on C-Loans.com for free, and they will receive free leads by email, as well as calls and emails directly from borrowers.
If the bank closes a commercial loan, however, the bank owes to C-Loans.com a software licensing fee of between 25 to 50 bps (usually 37.5 bps.) In real life, all of our banks simply bump their normal loan fee from 1.0 points to 1.375 points, so C-Loans.com effectively costs the bank nothing. Please click here to get listed on C-Loans for free. (You must be a bona fide direct commercial lender servicing at least $20 million in commercial loans.)
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Call For Money Joke
You have $400 and your daughter calls and needs $250. Later on you son calls and needs $100. What do you have left? Four-hundred dollars and two missed phone calls!
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How C-Loans Actually Works
Think of C-Loans.com as a giant filter. We start with 750 participating commercial lenders. Every time you enter more information into the application - loan amount, property type, loan type, state, credit - dozens of lenders are filtered out. Upon completion, you are left with a list of 20 to 30 perfect lenders. You put a check mark next to six lenders at a time and press submit. Soon you are receiving quotes and offers. No good offers? Come back and submit to six more lenders, then six more, and so on. And C-Loans.com is free!
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Insurance Joke (I sent this funny to my insurance agent.)
A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted… They assured him he would be covered.
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Extra Arm Joke
"A company is working on a new selfie stick shaped like a human arm so users won't look like they're alone in pictures. Instead you'll just look like a completely normal person who's carrying around a severed human arm.” — Seth Meyers
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Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?
If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. The domain name is easy to remember.
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Crying Joke
Little Johnny ran into the room sobbing as through his heart would break. "Whats the problem, Johnny?" asked his mother.
"Oh, Daddy was hanging a picture, and he dropped it on his toe," replied Johnny. "Why, that's nothing to cry about. You should be laughing at that," said his mother. "I did," Johnny replied.
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- Today's Opportunity -
When Thousands of Big Real Estate Investors Die
If you are over the age of 50, you really need to pay attention. China has been cremating bodies without designating them as coronavirus victims. I suspect lots and lots of them. The death rate has almost certainly been under-disclosed. Funerals have been forbidden. If a coronavirus victim dies, his body is often immediately shipped off to the crematorium. It sounds harsh and cruel, but from a disease prevention point of view, it makes necessary sense.
Most of the people who are dying are over the age of fifty, especially those with bad hearts and lungs. They are also saying that more of the older victims are men rather than women. Maybe the virus won’t get loose in the U.S., but many experts are predicting that worldwide pandemic is statistically inevitable. It looks like the death rate is “only” around 2%; but the death rate for the Spanish Flu was only 2%. The Spanish Flu killed 50 million people worldwide between 1918 and 1920.
Horribly, lots of older people in the U.S. are therefore likely to die. Most will be of modest means, but at least some of them will be wealthy commercial real estate investors. As their estates are probated and settled, a far larger than usual number of prime commercial real estate properties may come up for sale.
Twenty years ago I was walking along Park Avenue, next to Central Park, when a grizzled old veteran pointed out to me a nice apartment building. “That’s where Jackie Onassis rents an apartment.” “You mean ‘owns an apartment’, right, Bill? Surely, Jackie O, with all of her hundreds of millions of dollars (worth billions today) owns her apartment.” “No, George," Bill said, “the truly old money would never sell an apartment building next to the Park.” Wow, the famous Jackie O was just a renter?
Finally we have arrived at today’s point. The really-really wealthy almost never sell their trophy properties. As a result of this pandemic, hundreds and hundreds of some of the nicest commercial buildings across the country are finally going to change hands. The Chinese symbol for crisis is the symbol for danger next to the symbol for opportunity.
And my friends, if you are over the age of fifty, please be among the first 20% of Americans to don a mask every time you go out.
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Spelling Joke
Little Johnny's teacher was preparing the students for the upcoming Spelling Bee when she asked Johnny to "Spell ‘straight.'"
Little Johnny: "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T."
Teacher: “Correct. What does it mean?"
Little Johnny: "Without ginger ale.”
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Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance
9-Hour Video Training Course
It would be a lot easier to close your commercial deals if you actually knew the subject matter. Are you finally ready to learn the financial ratios and the advanced terminology of commercial real estate finance? Just $549.
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Literature Joke
Q: What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?
A: Tequila Mockingbird.
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Become a Hard Money Lender
One reason why hard money brokers make ten times more money than desk-and-a-phone mortgage brokers is that they approve their own deals!! Four-hour video course, How To Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. Just $549.
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Star Wars Joke
I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun. I said to keep warm. She asked, "How warm is it inside?” I said, "Lukewarm.”
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Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn for referring us a $17 million deal. Please click here for details.
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Yield Sign Joke
A hesitant driver, waiting for a traffic jam to clear, came to a complete stop on the freeway ramp. Traffic thinned, but the driver still waited. Finally, a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, “The sign says to yield, not give up!”
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Love Joke
Woman: "Do you love me?"
Man: "Yes, dear."
Woman: "Would you die for me?"
Man: “No, mine is an undying love."
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Elephant Joke
Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!” The mom reacts and takes a deep breath, "What did you call it?” "It's a frickin' elephant, Mama. It says so on the picture." The mom grabs the book and takes a look. Her son was right. The book read, "African Elephant.”
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Diamond Ring Joke
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Bexfield diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.” "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Bexfield.”
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FREE Commercial Loan Brokerage Training
From an Industry Veteran and Attorney
The C-Loans Blog: info.c-loans.com
Every week we publish one or two new blog articles that train commercial brokers in commercial real estate finance. We try to have fun with it, including lots of funny pics. If you want access to this FREE training, subscribe to George's blog by clicking the button below.
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Final Funny
The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure out what was wrong. As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy, kneeling by the altar, apparently saying her rosary.
Since the man was a fundamental Baptist, he thought it'd be funny to try and mess with the old lady's mind. In his best authoritative voice, he said, "This is Jesus. Your prayers will be answered.” The little old lady didn't even blink. She just kept on saying her prayers. The man decided that maybe she didn't hear him, so he tried again. "This is Jesus, the Son of God. Your prayers will be answered."
Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big breath of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!” The lady looks up and says, "QUIET DOWN! I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!”
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www.C-Loans.com
4811 Chippendale Drive
Suite 101
Sacramento, CA 95841
P: (574) 210-6686
F: (916) 338-2328
CA DRE #1330173
NMLS #167100
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Tom Blackburne
General Manager
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