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C-LOANS BANKER LETTER

Volume 8: Issue 2 | Date: January 28, 2020

This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks, credit unions, conduits, and hard money lenders. Today we’ll discuss how to add a profit center to your real estate website - a convenience store for your gas station - in just 97 seconds.  We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious, five-second video of a little pug being violated. 

Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com? Seriously, guys, this searchable portal is free, and it contains thousands of commercial lenders. You really are doing them a favor.

IQ Joke

My boyfriend isn't the brightest bulb. One day, when he was being particularly dimwitted, I asked in frustration, "What's your IQ anyway?!” He shot back defiantly, "20/20!”

Free Commercial Loan Leads

C-Loans.com, is our original portal. C-Loans.com has been phenomenally successful, boasting over 1,000 commercial loan closings totaling over $1 billion. We will list banks on C-Loans.com for free, and they will receive free leads by email, as well as calls and emails directly from borrowers.

If the bank closes a commercial loan, however, the bank owes to C-Loans.com a software licensing fee of between 25 to 50 bps (usually 37.5 bps.) In real life, all of our banks simply bump their normal loan fee from 1.0 points to 1.375 points, so C-Loans.com effectively costs the bank nothing. Please click here to get listed on C-Loans for free. (You must be a bona fide direct commercial lender servicing at least $20 million in commercial loans.)

S.W.A.T Joke

First day as a police officer… Captain: "Why did you call for back up?"

Me: "There was a fly in my car."

S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?”

How C-Loans Actually Works

Think of C-Loans.com as a giant filter. We start with 750 participating commercial lenders. Every time you enter more information into the application - loan amount, property type, loan type, state, credit - dozens of lenders are filtered out. Upon completion, you are left with a list of 20 to 30 perfect lenders. You put a check mark next to six lenders at a time and press submit. Soon you are receiving quotes and offers. No good offers? Come back and submit to six more lenders, then six more, and so on. And C-Loans.com is free!

Gloria Gaynor Joke

The doorbell rang. There was a little kid standing there, dressed as Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified!

Peas Joke

A guy goes to see the doctor for his aching shoulder problem. The doctor said, "Okay, it is a bit inflamed. What I want you to do is put a bag of frozen peas on it, on and off for a week.”  “Will the peas work?" the guy asked. The doctor replies, "Yes, just give peas a chance."

Mummy Case Joke

Two young children stood in front of a mummy case in the museum. On the bottom of the mummy case they noticed ”1286 B.C.”. ”What does that number mean?” asked the first one. The second one thought a moment and said, ”That must be the license plate of the car that hit him.”

Beyonce Joke

Me: "I think I have a crush on Beyoncé..."

Her: "Whatever floats your boat."

Me: "No, that’s buoyancy.”

Reward Joke

A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.”

Become a Hard Money Lender

One reason why hard money brokers make ten times more money than desk-and-a-phone mortgage brokers is that they approve their own deals!! Four-hour video course, How To Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. Just $549.

Magnets Joke

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.   Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?” A little boy in the front row said, "You're a mother.”

Prostate Joke

"A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy.  The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy, but they prefer to watch you die.” — Conan O’Brien 

Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn for referring us a $17 million deal. Please click here for details.

Very Cold Joke

I was asking my friend at what point did Celsius and Fahrenheit become the same. One of my other buddies quickly chimed in, "-40 degrees…” Impressed, I said, "I didn't know you  were so knowledgeable in weather science.” "I'm not," he said. "But I have been to Minnesota.”

Surprising Santa Joke

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.” Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?” He replied, "They're all nocturnal.”

Happily Divorced Joke

Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself. Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!” The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events. The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?” “Well, Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough.”

Jellyfish Joke

Jellyfish have existed for 500 million years - surviving just fine without brains and providing hope to a great many people.

Video - "I've Been Violated" (Just Three Seconds)

You young kids won't remember the version of

Doctor Dolittle, with Eddie Murphy.

Final Funny

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the reason, Dad. Stacy is pregnant. She said that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods, and she has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's on the kitchen table. Please call when it is safe for me to come home.

www.C-Loans.com

4811 Chippendale Drive

Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (574) 210-6686

F: (916) 338-2328

CA DRE #1330173

NMLS #167100

Tom Blackburne

General Manager

Have questions? Email me.