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Volume 9: Issue 3 | Date: June 21, 2019

Joke Du Jour

"I quit smoking pot. I quit because I saw this commercial on TV - you may have seen the same one. It's the one where this kid gets all his buddies together. They're gonna go in the basement, and they're gonna smoke some weed. So, he goes to get his marijuana out of his marijuana container, but there's no pot inside. There's just a note on a rolling paper. It says, 'We need to talk. Mom.' That's crazy, 'cause a very similar thing happened to me, but my note just said, 'I owe you a dime bag. Mom.’" — Jeremy Schachter

Still Making Nationwide Permanent Loans From $100K to $3.5M

Do you need a commercial lender who will actually lend up to 75% LTV? Blackburne & Sons has decided to compete against banks by offering a higher LTV.

And don't forget, we will quickly and happily issue you a written Loan Approval Letter - at no charge - that you can use as a fallback and to lure cheaper lenders. After all, everyone wants to lend to you if you already have a commitment. Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a hard money commercial loan or call me, George IV, at (916) 338-3232 Ext. 314.

- Today's Lesson -

Clearing Out Gangsters from REO's

I have an investor buddy who has made many, many millions of dollars by buying up distressed apartment building in low-income, high-crime, and high-drug-use areas. 

When he buys these buildings, they are largely vacant, dilapidated, and infested with gangsters. So I asked him yesterday how he clears out the gangsters. These guys have guns, and they have drug and prostitution businesses to protect. One gang in one in one of his buildings even had the address of his building tattooed on their upper arms.

Think about it. How large of a private army would it take to clear one of these buildings? After all, these gangsters have guns, and they are not afraid to use them.

So how many gunshots did it take to clear out the worst of his buildings? Not a single gunshot. Not a single swing of a billy club. Here is how he did it:

He put a fence around the entire building, thereby creating just one entrance. Then he hired after-hours policemen to man the entrance. These police guards visibly took pictures of every person entering the apartment complex. They also required that every person produce a photo ID. The names and license numbers were visibly written into a large journal.

Now ask yourself. If you were a young college student wishing to buy drugs, would you run this gauntlet? Of course not! Soon the gangsters had no customers, and they were forced to move out. Haha!

Click here for free training.

Off Drugs Joke

"Want your kids to stay off drugs? Simply show them pictures of what we used to wear in the 60's and 70’s. 'You see this shirt with the collar going all the way down to the elbow? This is what happens when you take drugs.’" — Anthony Griffith

Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in Most States

Apply Now! Please pay special attention to the following: Unlike other hard money brokers, Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation makes home loans with a 15-year term (30-year amortization), and there is NO prepayment penalty. Our competitors make just three-year or five-year bridge loans. Our loans are clearly better because you may want to hold the property. These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans.

Historically, Blackburne & Sons was mostly a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans. We have already closed loans in the following states, and our attorney can quickly research your state to verify that we can lend there. Unfortunately, in a handful of states, an NMLS license is not enough.

Bully Joke

"I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up - someone had to hold me down." — Eric Kornfield

Submit Your “A” Quality Commercial Loans Using C-Loans

You old veterans know that commercial lenders are incredibly fickle. One moment a bank loves self storage loans, and the next moment - usually after taking a loss - it wouldn't touch a self storage facility loan with a ten-foot pole.  C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal that was designed with commercial lender fickleness in mind. You fill out one mini-app, and then you can submit your commercial loan application to bank after bank, six at a time, until you find a bank hungry to make a commercial loan today. Mortgage brokers like you have closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over $1 billion, so C-Loans clearly works. And C-Loans.com is free!

Butt-Kicking Joke

"One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, a typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused -- you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my (butt)?" — Billy Santiago

Amore Joke

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!

When you swim in the creek and an eel bite your cheek, that's a moray!

Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance - 9 Hour Video Training Course

Hips Joke

"I never had hips. It's because I don't have kids. Everybody tells me that once I have a kid, I'll grow some hips. That's cool, but what do you do with the kid?” — Retha Jones

The Blackburne List - Freshly Updated in 2019

The Blackburne List is a list of over 2,500 commercial lenders located nationwide. It is available for purchase for just $79.95. Is money tight? You can also buy one of our three Regional Lists (750+ lenders) for just $39.95.

Have You Been Screwed Out of a Big Loan Fee Yet?

Become a Hard Money Lender - Just $549

Because banks are only paying 1% for deposits, it has never been easier to become a hard money lender. Hard money brokers make three to ten times more than generic desk-and-a-phone mortgage brokers. Four-hour video course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. In truth, if you don’t want to become a direct commercial lender, rather than just a mere mortgage broker… well, how do I sensitively say this? Maybe you shouldn’t have children? Haha!

Responsibility Joke

"Having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's like a five-year commitment." — Chelsea Handler

Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course - Freshly Updated in 2019 - $199

Need commercial mortgage leads? This Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course will teach you how to turn on a flow of commercial leads as easily as turning on a spigot.

It's the Loan Servicing Income, Folks

No one ever listens to me. Please pay attention! The money in the mortgage industry is in loan servicing fees, and servicing loans is easy. For your first 50 deals, you can just hire a sub-servicing company for $40 per loan per month. I charge my investors $1,583 per month (!!!) for servicing a one-million dollar loan. $1,580 per month minus $40 equals...

The loan servicing portfolio for Blackburne & Sons just broke $53 million this quarter. Since our average loan servicing fee is two percent annually, that means we earn over $1 million per year for servicing just 250 loans. How would you like to walk in the door on the first of each month knowing that you will earn at least $83,000? Find your own private mortgage investors.

Buy Both Training Courses for Just $849

Click here for more information, or to order, please contact Tom Blackburne at 574-210-6686.

Newborn Joke

"If you're a guy and you've never seen a newborn child, let me tell you now, it's the miracle of life. Nothing more precious, nothing more delicate, nothing quite as ugly as a newborn child. They got no hair, they got no teeth -- they're like aliens.” -- Louis Ramey

Trade One Banker For ONE of the Following Freebies

Speaking French Joke

"I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I was in a situation where I had to, it would be like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' -- no problem." — Eugene Mirman 

Hot-To-Trot To Make Fix and Flip Loans

Blackburne & Sons is making a huge push into fix and flip lending. Of course we will still make our private money permanent loans on commercial properties nationwide; but we are now also making fix and flip loans across the country.

Please click here to submit a fix and flip loan or a hard money commercial loan or call me, George IV, at (916) 338-3232 Ext. 314.

Noah Joke (Cute One For the Kids)

Q. What lights did Noah use on his ark?

A. Flood lights, of course.

Too Busy to Broker Commercial Loans to Us? Refer Them Instead!

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee. Here is our referral fee program.

Video - Hilarious Compilation of Bad Ideas

Final Funny (PG-13)

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening, as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

Members of the Blackburne Family of Companies

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (916) 338-3232

F: (916) 338-2328

CA DRE #829677 // NMLS #103430