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Volume 8: Issue 2 | Date: February 4, 2019

COMMERCIAL BROKER NEWSLETTER

You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we’ll discuss how to add a profit center to your real estate website - a convenience store for your gas station - in just 97 seconds.  We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious, five-second video of a little pug being violated. 

Joke Du Jour

It’s been raining for days now, and my husband seems unusually depressed by it. He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

IQ Joke

My boyfriend isn't the brightest bulb. One day, when he was being particularly dimwitted, I asked in frustration, "What's your IQ anyway?!” He shot back defiantly, "20/20!”

Private Money Commercial Permanent Loans

From $100K to $1.5M Nationwide

Click HERE to Apply Now!

Do you need a commercial lender who will actually lend up to 75% LTV? Blackburne & Sons has decided to compete against banks by offering a higher LTV.

Do you need a lender who will also look at the borrower's global income - income from salaries, other investments, etc.? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Is your borrower a foreign national? Do you need a non-recourse loan? Do you need a commercial loan with no prepayment penalty?

Is your client's commercial property partially vacant? Do all of your commercial leases run out in the next 18 months? Do you need a lender who will allow a negative cash flow? Do you need a loan against a portfolio of rental houses?

And don't forget, we will quickly and happily issue you a written Loan Approval Letter - at no charge - that you can use as a fallback and to lure cheaper lenders. After all, everyone wants to lend to you if you already have a commitment. Here is our latest rate sheet.

S.W.A.T. Joke

First day as a police officer… Captain: "Why did you call for back up?"

Me: "There was a fly in my car."

S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?”

Gloria Gaynor Joke

The doorbell rang. There was a little kid standing there, dressed as Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified!

Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in Most States

Click HERE to Apply Now!

Please pay special attention to the following: Unlike other hard money brokers, Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation makes home loans with a 15-year term (30-year amortization), and there is NO prepayment penalty. Our competitors make just three-year or five-year bridge loans. Our loans are clearly better because you may want to hold the property. These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans.

Historically, Blackburne & Sons was mostly a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans. We have already closed loans in the following states, and our attorney can quickly research your state to verify that we can lend there. Unfortunately, in a handful of states, an NMLS license is not enough.

Click HERE to submit a deal to Alicia!

Peas Joke

A guy goes to see the doctor for his aching shoulder problem. The doctor said, "Okay, it is a bit inflamed. What I want you to do is put a bag of frozen peas on it, on and off for a week.” “Will the peas work?" the guy asked. The doctor replies, "Yes, just give peas a chance."

How to Earn Huge Referral Fees

Please click here after viewing the video.

Mummy Case Joke

Two young children stood in front of a mummy case in the museum. On the bottom of the mummy case they noticed ”1286 B.C.”. ”What does that number mean?” asked the first one. The second one thought a moment and said, ”That must be the license plate of the car that hit him.”

Submit Your “A” Quality Commercial Loans Using C-Loans

You old veterans know that commercial lenders are incredibly fickle. One moment a bank loves self storage loans, and the next moment - usually after taking a loss - it wouldn't touch a self storage facility loan with a ten-foot pole. C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal that was designed with commercial lender fickleness in mind.

You fill out one mini-app, and then you can submit your commercial loan application to bank after bank, six at a time, until you find a bank hungry to make a commercial loan today. 

Borrowers and commercial brokers have closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over $1 billion, so C-Loans clearly works. And C-Loans.com is FREE!

Apply for a loan now!

Beyonce Joke

Me: "I think I have a crush on Beyoncé..."

Her: "Whatever floats your boat."

Me: "No, that’s buoyancy.”

Hot-To-Trot To Make Fix and Flip Loans

Blackburne & Sons is making a huge push into fix and flip lending. Of course we will still make our private money permanent loans on commercial properties nationwide; but we are now also making fix and flip loans across the country.

Please click here to submit a fix and flip loan or a hard money commercial loan or call me, Alicia Gandy, at (916) 338-3232.

Reward Joke

A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her.  Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.”

Magnets Joke

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.  Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?” A little boy in the front row said, "You're a mother.”

Only Blackburne & Sons Can Do This

Blackburne & Sons has some truly unique and super cool programs:

• We'll give you a bridge loan on your commercial property for only one point! There is no prepayment penalty.
• We allow sellers to carry back a second mortgage behind our first mortgage.
• We will actually lend up to a 75% loan-to-value ration. Banks claim they will lend up to 75% LTV, but in real life they will only go 68% LTV.
• We offer private money (loose-goosey underwriting) commercial loans with 30-year payments and a 15-year term. Our competitors offer 2 to 3-year bridge loans. We offer 15-year permanent loans with no prepayment penalty. Never again will you have a balloon payment come due during a recession.
• We buy commercial first mortgages (usually at a discount).
• Instead of discounting your wonderful commercial first mortgage, consider pledging it as collateral for a smaller loan. This is called a hypothecation. We make loans secured by mortgage notes owned by the borrower.

Prostate Joke

"A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy.  The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy, but they prefer to watch you die.” — Conan O’Brien 

Jellyfish Joke

Jellyfish have existed for 500 million years - surviving just fine without brains and providing hope to a great many people.

Surprising Santa Joke

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.” Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?” He replied, "They're all nocturnal.”

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees for Commercial Loans

We Once Paid $21,250

This is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also refer commercial loans by hand. Simply insert your referrals here.

Happily Divorced Joke

Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself. Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!” The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events. The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period!  We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?” “Well, Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough.”

On a Personal Note

I just recently watched a movie called “Shooter”. It is about a top marine sniper, Bob Lee Swagger (played by Mark Wahlberg), who leaves the military after a mission goes horribly awry and disappears without a trace. Swagger is coaxed back into service after high-profile government officials convince him to help thwart a plot against the President of the United States. Swagger realizes he has been betrayed and becomes the target of a nationwide manhunt. Instead of hiding, he seeks revenge against some of the most powerful and corrupt leaders in the free world. It’s a pretty good movie!

Video - "I've Been Violated" (Just Three Seconds)

You young kids won't remember the version of

Doctor Dolittle, with Eddie Murphy.

Final Funny

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the reason, Dad. Stacy is pregnant. She said that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods, and she has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's on the kitchen table. Please call when it is safe for me to come home.

Members of the Blackburne Family of Companies

CA DRE #829677

NMLS #103430

P: (916) 338-3232

F: (916) 338-2328

4811 Chippendale Dr, Ste. 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

CA DRE #1330173

NMLS #167100